Resolution-Less

Hi! Hello! How are you! I’ve missed you!

It has been a hot HOT minute since I have posted anything besides recipes on here. With the hectic-ness of school, work, life, travel, and DICAS applications, I have been all but consumed with everything other than Mads and her Eatz. Being over a week into the New Year (Hello 2020!), I decided it was time to sit back and reflect a bit on the year behind me, and the lessons I learned that I would like to carry into the New Year. Fun Fact: I hate resolutions, a lot. I have always felt as though I was setting myself up for failure and disappointment. As if the person I was in the previous year was not good enough to carry over with me into the next. On social media alone you are swarmed with the idea that big and drastic life changes MUST be made because the date switches. Absurdity.

Well, I am here to happily say that you that you do not have to make Resolutions! Seriously! You are so wonderful the way you are. You do not need to hop on a new diet/cleanse, change everything about yourself and make a list longer than a football field of what you resolve to do in the upcoming year. Do not get me wrong, having goals is wonderful. But, most New Year’s Resolutions, especially for women, tend to be body and/or weight-focused. “If I lose X amount of lbs. this year, I will find happiness, success, joy, love and will have basically conquered the entire universe.” I am so sorry to inform you, and this personally took me a very long time to grasp, but your body is truly the least interesting thing about you. Think of it this way, If I were to ask those closest to you what they loved most about you, I can with almost 100% certainty guarantee that not one person would say “her body.” You rule the way you are and in whatever body you are in. Screw diet culture. Screw it. Anyyyywayyyyyy, that is a whole ‘notha rant for a whole ‘notha day. Let’s get back to the anti-resolution rampage, k?

Committing to the idea of not creating Resolutions this year was incredibly hard. For a planner like myself, it was actually more of a challenge to not create resolutions than it was to just give in and follow the trend. SO much pressure and anxiety circulates this time of year, and it doesn’t have to be that way! This year instead, I chose to reflect, namely on this past semester of school, and pick out some lessons I learned that I would like to carry over into 2020 and my LAST semester of undergraduate. *happy cries*

Creating this list helped me to process the fact that a new year did not have to equal a new me. I like me most days. I like the person I am becoming. I am excited about this year and what it will bring, instead of having already set-up unrealistic expectations for myself that I feel driven to complete. Reflection is a fun (and at times not-so-fun) way to grow. Yaknow, life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it. (name that movie) So, here I stand, sharing some of the many lessons I have learned with you. I hope they help you reflect, or even maybe, just maybe, inspire you to be Resolution-Less too.

Lesson 1: Your “best” differs from that of others “best”

• Your feelings, thoughts, aspirations, motivations, values, and beliefs will never identically match that of those around you, and neither will your work ethic. We all go about completing a project or task differently because, surprise! We are all different. I struggle with this idea, BIG time. I want to take control, no matter the scenario, and make others do things my way, because it is what I perceive to be the “best” way. News flash: You’re wrong Madeline. This year, I will be more gentle with others. I will work to take a step back and see that though their process may differ from mine, it isn’t wrong. Though I may hold myself to specific a standard that I have set in my own head, does not mean that everyone else must hold themselves to this as well. I ain’t the law. And whose to say my way is the “right” way. What’s that famous saying? “It’s about the journey, not the destination.” I want to be more okay with the journey and less end-results fixated, in all areas of my life.

Lesson 2: Busy does not equal better

• I am a busy-bee. A workaholic. A huge fan of burning the candle at both ends. But, I think that the majority of the time I keep such a tight schedule to escape. Being busy leaves very little time to feel sad, stressed, lonely, yaknow, basically any common human emotion. I like to plan out every single minute of my day, from the time that I wake up, to the time that I fall asleep. I do the exact same thing with my weekends. I have the tendency to make fun things a hassle for myself because I over-analyze, over-plan, and over-commit. No one likes a cranky pants. And no one likes a person that is constantly making plans and having to cancel last minute because they are so physically and mentally exhausted that getting out of bed would be a feat in itself. I have been that person, many, many times. And yes, it is MORE than okay to cancel plans, and we should check in with our friends if this is happens often because more often than not something bigger is going on behind the scenes. I think a big part of why I keep myself so busy is because I have always had a deep-set feeling that I am behind in life. While I can’t pinpoint where this feeling originated, it has definitely motivated me most of my youth and young adult life, in good and bad ways. So, if you are much like myself and say yes to everything and anything, fill every hour of your day with tasks, and leave very little time for fun and enjoyment, I encourage you to try this. Make a list. List out every job, commitment, club, group, etc. that you are involved in at the current time. After seeing all of it written down on a piece of paper, take a second, letting your heart and intuition guide you, and re-arrange the list according to priority level. At the top of the list should be things you have to be a part of or would be devastated without. At the bottom of the list should be the thing that you committed to, maybe on a whim, that are not passionate about or even truly care about, but feel obligated to continue doing. Once you have that bottom of the list commitment, cross it out. Cross it out of the list and your life. It is OK to quit things. It does not make you a quitter or less than, but shows that you have evaluated your inventory, prioritized your needs, and made a necessary change for you. Think of all you can do for your other passions and work with the freed up time and energy you will have! That is an incredibly exciting notion, isn’t it?

Lesson 3: Group work is a necessary evil

• Group work. My least favorite pairing of words. Well, at least it used to be. I can be a bit of a bossy pants, and I really like to manage. My literal minor in college is management, HA. I think it is funny how much I used to dislike group work because I played team sports my entire life. Your team will literally not be successful if the group does not work together. Mind blowing. Dietetics is a very group work-oriented major. Throughout the semester, I was able to process my discomfort in this arena and work to learn when it is okay to step up and lead, and when I need to let others steer the ship. In each group, personalities differ vastly, so it is important to get to know how each member of the group operates and responds to feedback. The more you empathize, the more you understand. So, the next time you are assigned a group project, do not groin and mumble. Instead, I challenge you to get to know your members, figure out one another’s strengths and weaknesses, and make it happen.

Lesson 4: Distance is hard, very hard, but helps you to see what you really want

• This was the first academic year that my boyfriend and I had to do long-distance. We have been together since the first semester of freshman year. He is one of my best friends, and can make me laugh at all of his silly, stupid jokes like no other. I am being so cheesy, but he is seriously one of the coolest, most interesting humans I have ever met. Before this semester, the longest we had gone without seeing one another was about a month over the Christmas/Summer breaks in college. This year would be different. He was moving about 4 hours away to start Physical Therapy school (smarty-pants), and I was staying in Cape to finish up my victory lap (fifth-year). I was already feeling down about having to do another year of undergrad, and definitely carried some of that frustration over into our relationship. He was insanely busy orienting to a new city, intensive coursework, and all the other life things that pop up. I was sad, he was stressed, and we struggled with communication. Fun Fact: I may be one of the world’s worst text-ers. Even if I am on my phone, I will read a text and completely forget to respond, for hours. I can also be quite bad about checking in with others emotions because I can get a bit overwhelmed with my own. I love Michael, with my whole entire heart, and hated the fact that there seemed to be a weird riff between us. We both wanted to make it work, so we did. We talked through the hard stuff, we leaned on one another, we figured out our strengths and weaknesses within the relationship, and tried with all of our might to see each-other as often as possible. And for now, that is all we can do. Those that know us like to joke that we never fight and always seem oh-so-happy, and for the most part, this is so true. But, this past semester challenged us in ways our relationship needed to be challenged, and I am very happy to say that I think he still likes me! And I still like him! Probably gonna go ahead and make sure to text him to double-check in on that though. If you are in a similar spot in your relationship, allow yourself to be vulnerable. Speak to what you need, and allow your partner to do the same without judgement. You got it, seriously!

Lesson 5: Being a strong, outspoken women does not make you a b*tch. It makes you powerful

• I am loud, I am brass and I refuse to make myself and my presence smaller for others comfort. Many people do not like these things about me. I however, do not care. Women are so so so incredibly powerful, and it breaks my heart when I have female friends/family/acquaintances that don’t see this within themselves. Hell, I don’t see it within myself some days. This year, I challenge all my lady friends to embrace their power, and help those around them to see it within themselves. As women, we face so many foes simply based on our sex. Instead of bringing one another down to rise a hair above, let’s do our best to all rise together. Buy from your friends small company, hype up a stranger you see in the supermarket, and be excited for one another’s success! Another’s victory does not take away from your own. 2020 is the year of powerful, loud, and proud women. Do not let a soul stifle your shine.

Lesson 6: Flexibility will get you far in life

• And I am not talking the gymnastics kind. I can barely touch my toes so, this lesson in that context would make absolutely no sense. This past year taught me the importance of being able to roll with it. I was queen of the principle, “fake it til’ you make it.” Seriously, people may discredit this idea but it has helped me out in SO many realms. As a planner, I like to fantasize about having every single aspect of my life perfectly planned out for the next, um, roughly 20 years. As we know, that is a dumb, stupid way to go about your day-to-day. Every. single. day. will most likely go differently than you imagined, in big and small ways. Roll with the weird, uncomfortable bits. Put yourself out there and adapt to the scenario, whether it be in work, life, relationships, etc. And yaknow, if you are actually interested in becoming physically flexible, go take some yoga classes! Get out there and get flex-y my friends.

Lesson 7: Taking time for your passions is a weekly must

• If you have managed to read through all these little less lessons, I am assuming you have picked up on the fact that I do a lot. Important stuff, not-so important stuff, future-oriented-stuff, school-stuff, life-stuff, yaknow, the usual human stuff. After creating this blog this summer, I challenged myself to generate at least one blog post per week. And that plan didn’t go, well, as planned. Things got in the way, school got busy, and I slacked. I set myself up for failure with such strict expectations and, to no surprise, I failed. (sounds a lil like a resolution, doesn’t it?) I started this as a creative release, and had quickly managed to transform it into another task to cross off my to-do list. I leaned into the recipe posts because they were easy and fast. I felt like I was letting myself down by not rising to the standard I had so unrealistically set. And then I stepped back. Why wasn’t I making time for the blog, photography, writing, baking, cooking and all the other activities that bring me so much joy? Simple. I had convinced myself I did not have time for such silly endeavors because there was absolutely too much else to do. There wasn’t, but I had convinced myself there was. I knew I could fix this skewed idea. As myself and this blog head into 2020, I hope to allow myself some grace and remember why I started Mads Eatz in the first place. Food is one of my many passions and by embracing it, I was able to discover new passions I would have never been aware of. I am not making a profit from this. I am not a professional blogger or world traveler or anything of the sort. I am simply me, and doing this blog makes me happy. So, I will give myself time each week to let my creative juices flow in whatever realm feels right. If I want to spend a few hours one Sunday perfecting a vegan cookie recipe instead of running the 5-billion errands I have made up, I will! Self-care. We are so here for it.

Lesson 8: You cannot plan out your entire life. All you can do is make the most of where you are and what you have

• Let yourself be where your feet are. You cannot go back, you cannot go forward. You are here and that is all that matters. That’s it. That’s the lesson.

Lesson 9: Mental health should never be placed on the back burner

• I am a highly anxious person. My brain is constantly running 1,000-miles a minute. I analyze every scenario, every outcome, and feel as though my mind is never at rest. I knew I needed help but was scared to seek it because outwardly, I appeared fine. I have a wonderful family, supportive friends, and a very emotionally-intelligent partner. I do well in school, I exercise regularly, and I participate in a plethora of extracurriculars. And yet, I knew, deep deep down, something was wrong. After discussions with those closest to me and multiple tear-y sessions, I acted. I started attending therapy. I am not yet ready to overshare about this, and don’t think I will ever really need to, but want others reading this to know that it is okay to seek help. It is okay to have the feelings you are having. It is okay to truly not be okay. Never place your mental health on the back burner. Listen to yourself and your needs and act. No one can care for you as well as you can care for yourself. Drop the stigma around mental health. We ALL have mental health, and it is just as important to our overall wellness as is physical/emotional/spiritual/intellectual/occupational/social health. Be kind to yourself and others. Everyone is fighting an unseen battle.

Lesson 10: The least interesting thing about you is your body

• I thought this final lesson was a positive, reflective note to end on. This past year, I dove deeply into non-diet and intuitive eating practices/principles. I stopped weighing myself, I started listening to my body instead of constantly fighting it and I worked against my typical, deeply-culturally-engrained body hate speech and found a bunch of little things about myself that I loved. I have worked incredibly hard to limit the judgement I place on myself and others. Diet culture wins when you let it take away from important life experiences. When you skip out on the dinner plans with friends because it won’t fit your “macros.” When you punish a fun night out with a grueling treadmill workout because you were “bad.” When you judge those around you for being okay with their body just how it is, because you are so unhappy with your own. The least interesting thing about you is your body. Be it small, large, curvy, tall, short, round, and anything in between. It is amazing to see how much more you can accomplish when your beautiful head is not full of self-hate.

Phew. That was a lot. I am so exponentially excited for this coming year. I am ready to see where I go and what I do. I am so excited to see where you venture and what you accomplish. It is going to be a wonderful, Resolution-Less year. Embrace the chaos. Savor every second. And eat the damn cake. Happy New Year!

XOXO, Mads